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Disarm
your inner dictator ~
be the change you want to see in Zimbabwe
Making
peace: tips on managing conflict
Irritated?
Frustrated? Angry? Ready to explode? You're not alone. Whether it's
an argument with a friend, aggravation because a driver cuts in
front of you, or a disagreement about the best way to do a job -
conflict is part of everyday life. Conflict produces stress, hurts
friendships, and can cause injury and death. We can't always avoid
conflict but we can learn to manage it without violence. That way,
we use conflict to improve our lives and to learn from past mistakes.
Do it yourself.
. .
What
skills do you need to manage personal conflict?
Understanding
your own feelings about conflict. This means recognizing your "triggers,"
words or actions that immediately provoke an emotional response,
like anger. It could be facial expression, a tone of voice, a pointing
finger, a certain phrase. Once you know your "triggers,"
you can better control your emotions.
Active listening.
Go beyond hearing just words; try to understand what the other person
is saying. Listen carefully, instead of thinking about what you're
going to say next. Active listening requires concentration and body
language that says you are paying attention.
Generating options
for resolving a conflict. Many people can think of only two ways
to manage conflict - fighting or avoiding the problem. Get the facts
straight, brainstorm all ideas that might help resolve the argument,
and discuss the pros, cons, and consequences.
Moving
away from confrontation and toward agreement
- Look at your
response to conflict. If your style isn't working - you're left
with raging emotions that lead to more problems - try to change.
- State your
needs and define the problem. Talk about the issues without insulting
or blaming the other person. Don't state your position; that's
simply your solution to the problem. Take a hard look at what
is said (position) with what is really meant (needs).
- Together,
discuss various ways of meeting needs or solving the problem.
Be flexible and open-minded.
- Decide who
will be responsible for a specific action after reaching agreement
on a plan.
Tips
for Making Peace
- Choose a
convenient time.
- Plan ahead.
- Talk directly.
Don't blame or name-call.
- Give information.
- Listen.
- Show that
you are listening.
- Talk it through.
- Work on a
solution.
- Follow through.
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